"Bob, which kind of salsa do you want?"
"Get the ten-pound tub! It's only two cents an ounce!"
The Adventures of Bob, Value Addict
"Bob, I had five creatures in play and you had none! You're telling me you were holding a Wrath of God the whole game and never cast it?"
"Yeah, you still had like five cards in your hand. I was hoping you'd play out more of them so that I could get them all. You know, for value."
"Bob, you died."
"Yeah. I guess maybe I should have cast that Safe Passage at some point."
"You had a Safe Passage too?"
"Well, I was hoping I could wait to cast it until I could set up a good block and get you really good with it. You know...value."
"Actually, that brings up another question. You must have seen at least half your deck that game. Did you really just never draw any creatures?"
"Are you kidding? I had loads of creatures! I had this War Priest of Thune that could have traded with your 4/2, but you didn't have any enchantments for it to destroy, so I thought I'd hold onto it, just in case I could get some value. And I had a Briarhorn, but I figured it would be more value if I could set up a double ambush and kill two of your guys. And there was the Gravetiller Worm, but I was saving it until I could get the Morbid effect active."
"You have a problem, Bob."
"Oh! I meant to tell you! I bought a horse!"
"You bought a what?"
"A horse! Her name is Sissy. She was only fifty bucks! Can you believe it?"