Thursday, April 19, 2012

"Quest for Value"?

Psst, guys, it's me, YtHaar Troacctid, Jasper's RuneScape character. I snuck into his blog here and can you believe this guy? He's been doing this whole schtick where he goes and plays a whole bunch of different games, and he's calling it a "Quest for Value". How many games does the guy need? There's Castle Wars, Soul Wars, Trouble Brewing, RuneLink, Gnomeball, The Great Orb Project, Mobilizing Armies, Pest Control, Temple Trekking...need I go on? RuneScape has loads of games in it. Could've invited me along. But no, I get left behind for a bunch of namby-pamby Steam games. 

Hey, I love quests as much as anyone! I do all sorts of quests! I have a quest cape! No way you're going on a quest without me.

Let's see what he's got in these notes. Indie Royale Spring Bundle?

Unstoppable Gorg: Says here "Tower defense game with 1950s B-movie aesthetic." Come on, man, you've already got a tower defense game. How many tower defense games do you need? They're all the same. What's wrong with Orb Defence? Remember FunOrb? Aren't you paying two bucks a month for that?
Depths of Peril: "RPG". Okay. Stop right there. This is an RPG. You know what's an RPG? RuneScape. So let's talk about this. Uh, not that I'm insecure or anything, but we're still cool, right? Because we've been together for more than four thousand hours of gameplay, and, y'know, I thought we had this thing...well...uh...anyway, uh, yeah, I, uh, read some reviews of this game and it totally sucks, so you should just skip it, yeah, no point playing it, it's a terrible game. Yeah. Hmm.
Tobe's Vertical Adventure: A platform game? RuneScape has platforms too, you know. I can do platforming. We could run some agility laps. That would be fun, right? Hey, maybe I could go for 99 agility. I just don't see why you need these other games.
Inferno+: It says "Twin-stick shooter action RPG". Twin sticks? Is that like dual wielding? I could buy some Torag's Hammers. They're twin sticks with giant hammers for bashing skulls in. Now that's action, right? And we've got the RPG covered, obviously. So it sounds like this is a waste of money.
Slydris: "Tetris variant where you slide blocks around". What does that mean? I don't think we have Tetris in RuneScape, but sliding blocks around is definitely a thing. Clue scrolls, right? Sliding puzzles. We never do clue scrolls and they're all about sliding blocks around. So I can't see what you'd see in this game.
Ballistic: What is the deal with these twin-stick shooters? I can shoot things. I have crossbows and hand cannons and arrows and magic spells and I just got this cool Eggsterminator gun that shoots giant marshmallows at people. RuneScape is practically all about shooting people. Twin sticks? Use a Dark Bow! Shoot two arrows at once: twin stick shooting. And it's terrible DPS, so I don't see what the fuss is about.

Quests are great, but really, committing six hours to these lame games? In six hours I could finish off 93 summoning, or level up those Temple Trekkers the rest of the way for Morytania Legs, or who knows what. It seems like such a waste of time when you could be playing the obviously superior RuneScape instead.

Ugh, well, I better go before he catches me here. To anyone reading this, play more RuneScape!

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